Affiliate Manager Correspondence

(August 4, 2009) Like every poker affiliate, I receive the standard form template e-mails from affiliate managers asking me to promote their poker rooms, promising “the highest revenue”, “the best conversions” and all that other garbage.  I’m usually polite and respond to them that I am not looking to promote new rooms at this time, but will keep their e-mail on hand for when I am adding new poker rooms to promote.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from an affiliate manager asking me to promote their poker room, as they felt it was a great fit for my portals.  Unfortunately I received this e-mail 3 different times, at 3 different addresses, related to 3 different portals.  Seriously is it that hard to do some goddamn homework?  Even worse, I ALREADY PROMOTE THIS POKER ROOM.

I’ll be nice and not mention the name of the poker room, instead referring to it as XXX Poker.  So I replied to the person:

I already promote XXX Poker on a couple of websites.  But when I receive this same e-mail to a couple of different e-mail addresses, it makes me want to promote a little less.

I was expecting any response I would get would be apologetic.  Instead I get another fucking sales pitch!

Hi Graeme,
Thank you for your swift reply 🙂
We didn’t see XXX Poker on TheUltimatePokerGuide and with the release of the flash version, we thought it would be a great fit in the “Mac Poker Online” section of your website 🙂
Graeme, have you ever benefited from the current affiliate promotion we are running with the 70%, 60% and 50% revenue share offer during 3 months? We could adjust your account to reflect this promotion even if you are not new to the program 🙂 Also, we could create a customized bonus code to offer on your websites with a 150% bonus up to $600. Is this something you would be interested in?
Graeme, if you want, you can also send us a list of your various websites so we would avoid contacting you again in the future on the different e-mail addresses as I understand this is frustrating.
Many thanks for your time and I look forward to reading your feedback 🙂

Jesus H. Christ.